ottilia_ilves

I had a show jumping lesson today that went great (well, relatively speaking seeing as I suck majorly)! I got to ride a Finnhorse called Alli who is the sweetes thing. Jumping with her was very different than with the other horses, it's like we get each other, are on the same wave length all the time and if show jumping was fun before with her it was even better with this kind of connection. I don't know how to properly explain but I guess stella_polaris knows what I'm talking about :) The riding instructor even commented on how well we suit together and it really feels like it. Everything just clicked with her and it was so... easy to understand her and she understood me. Usually I need to do lots and lots of work to keep up with my horse and what we're supposed to do but this time it was radically different and so was the last time I rode Alli on a show jumping lesson.

And it was great to hear that it wasn't just in my head when Annika commented it but what felt especially good was to hear the girl who used to own her mention about how nicely we did the last time (the fact that she actually remembered it even though it was ages ago felt nice in a weird way. I'm not used to people telling me I did nice).

It's just an amazing feeling to experience such a strong mutual understanding with a horse. Nothing else comes even close to it!

Went and saw Don Johnson Big Band alive the other day and loved it ^^ It was a short gig for free in a bigger festival trying to raise awareness of climate change and idiotic decisions of our government and promoting laws that would help the cause. It was pretty great thing over all, thought music wise the only interesting name for me was DJBB :P

I also saw there and attendant/security person (don't know the proper English term) who was around 70 years old. For some reason it made me really happy ^__^

**

Ottilia is healing slowly but surely. She's been at her breeder's place since June and she's been trying to breed her with no luck so far. Couple of weeks ago I got a phone call from her saying that Ottilia was badly wounded - a buck ripped her back open and the wounds got infected and she's been on antibiotics since then. Healing has been slow because of the infection and the wounds had to be kept open and cleaned every day and naturally she has to fully heal before coming back home. So I don't know when I'll get her back. What's certain is that she's not going to be shown - the scars will be too bad. My poor little girl :( I'm really glad she's alive as for what I've been told it was really ugly. The fate of the buck is still unknown. They're considering putting him down or at least he's not going to be used for breeding anymore, that much is sure - that kind of behaviour is totally unacceptable even for a Belgian Hare.

At least she's in good hands.

Not dead, just busy arranging our new place, trying to keep the therapy going and stuff.

The city won't be paying my therapy anymore after this year (which ends in fall) and as it's way way way too expensive for me to continue on my own I've been a bit panicky lately. It isn't helping that constant moving is taking its toll on my relationship and lately all therapy sessions have been dealing with that instead of millions of other things that have been waiting in line for years to be solved.

The new place is okay, but the rent is too high for us (and will be rising 15% in three years so we need to get out in about a year as we're already in trouble with the bills and afforging food with the rent being what it is at the moment. Don't want to see where the situation goes after the rent gets higher in January). The neighbours are all crazy old ladies who bang the wall when I'm washing dishes and complain when I walk in the stairs (apparently everyone here levitates). When we moved here, three different ladies complained for us parking our van to the parking lot and then for carrying things inside. The rest of the house seems more reasonable and I enjoy listening the sound of Russian radio coming from one of the apartments through the balcony.

What I really love about this place is outdoors - there are great paths, parks and jogging routes that are made even better by a river and a bay nearby. There are amazing reclusive spots perfect for daydreaming and I even saw a grey heron the first day I went for a walk! The sight of it was worth of me getting seriously lost so that a half an hour walk turned into 4 hour trail (I really really should start carrying my buss card with me no matter where I'm going). We're also living only a km away from Vermo horse racing track <3

I still haven't gotten over Michael Jackson's death.

I don't know if I will for a while.

Ottilia went back to her breeder on Saturday. If all goes perfectly, she'll come back in 10 weeks, after the kits have been weaned off. I doubt things go that smoothly straight away seeing how she's quite feisty and doesn't like to let bucks easily near her (or anyone else for that matter! :) ) So I'm not expecting her back before fall and will keep my fingers crossed in the meanwhile. I miss her already! Albert looks so alone now.

I will fully own Ottilia after two surviving litters. I hope she'll be a great mom ^^

Don't take too long to think about it. List Fifteen books you've read that will always stick with you. First fifteen that come to mind.

1. Toni Morrison: Beloved
2. Annie Proulx: Close range
3. Aino Kallas: Sudenmorsian (Werewolf story with archaic language and Estonian folklore)
4. Neil Gaiman: Neverwhere
5. Marion Zimmer Bradley: Mists of Avalon
6. Margaret Atwood: The Handmaid's Tale
7. Otfried Preußler: The Satanic Mill
8. Haruki Murakami: Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World
9. Jonathan Carrol: The Land of Laughs
10. Patricia Anne McKillip: Ombria in Shadow
11. Mikhail Bulgakov: The Master and Margarita
12. Albert Camus: The Stranger
13. Nick Cave: And the Ass Saw the Angel
14. Jean Rhys: Wide Sargasso Sea
15. Jean Rhys: Good Morning, Midnight


***
This was interesting to do. Some of those books that just came to my mind without much thinking wouldn't have been ones that I'd chosen otherwise but as some of them are ones I've read years ago and they still bounce to my mind just like that I guess they have left their marks well enough to be on this list.

My birthday was great! We went to the stable with V and our friend couple. The plan was to get the men to ride and they did! I'm especially happy because V has been quite negative towards horses and so seeing him voluntarily grooming and then riding Huntti, biggest of the horses there and liking it was the best birthday gift I could get. He even said he could do it again! :) That's a lot coming from him as he really doesn't like animals and generally doesn't want to have anything to do with them. Him saying that he sees now why some people like horseback riding makes me happy because it is an important part of my life and it feels like he understand me better now.

After the "riding lesson" the men (man, I feel so straight saying that) BBQ'd some yummy meat and vegetables while me and AL took the horses back to the pasture. We also had salad and potatoes and luckily there was enough to some surprise visitors that came to the stable, so that everyone got enough and some more :P And there was cake! And roses! And sparkling wine and gifts and I felt like little kid, I was so happy :D I hadn't excpected anything so the surprise made it even sweeter. I got 4th volume of Sandman and Corpse Bride -DVD ^^ It especially meant a lot that the owner of the stable had remembered my birthday, it made me feel noticed. I don't get to feel like that often.

It's also been a while since I've had the chance to just hang out with people, cooking and being together so that alone made the day. Seeing everyone in a good mood and having no catastrophes ruining the fun for a change. Even V remembered my birthday (after I had reminded him on Friday and then again on Saturday) ;)

I was so happy that day!

Woo, I won a gift certificate of 100e to Change from Trendi-magazine ^^ New lingerie! And just when I needed it - well, I need sportsbra but for now I want something cute :P I need that cute, seeing how everything has been shit lately and it doesn't seem to be getting any better. Funny thing is, I never win anything so this was quite a special thing to happen. A way of universe to say that it's not all bad, perhaps? Anyway, it will be a much needed little shopping oasis for me ^^

Your result for The Which Ancient Language Are You Test...

Linear B

Take The Which Ancient Language Are You Test at HelloQuizzy

I'd hit it
Undecided
I have no idea who this person is/haven't seen her in stuff = ?
Not my type


1. Portia de Rossi
2. Jennifer Beals
3. Lena Headey
4. Leisha Hailey
5. Sarah Shahi ?
6. Rachel Maddow
7. Tina Fey
8. Sara Ramirez
9. Angelina Jolie
10. Gro Hammerseng ?
11. Kate Moennig
12. Rachel Shelley
13. Kate Winslet(!!)
14. Eliza Dushku ?
15. Ellen DeGeneres
16. Kristen Stewart
17. Jordana Brewster ?
18. Clementine Ford
19. Olivia Wilde
20. Tegan Quin ?
21. Ellen Page
22. Rose Rollins
23. Anna Torv ?
24. Lisa Ray
25. Pink
26. Kathryn Prescott ?
27. Lucy Lawless
28. Bridget McManus
29. Lily Loveless
30. Sara Quin ?
31. Laurel Holloman
32. Megan Fox
33. Mandy Musgrave
34. Emily Blunt
35. Jill Bennett
36. Mariska Hargitay (love her)
37. Erin Daniels ?
38. Kate Walsh
39. Jodie Foster
40. Lindsay Lohan
41. Natalie Portman
42. Missy Higgins ?
43. Piper Perabo ?
44. Renee O'Connor ?
45. Gabrielle Christian
46. Michelle Rodriguez
47. Mia Kirshner
48. Keira Knightley
49. Kate Beckinsale
50. Crystal Chappell
51. Blake Lively
52. Charlize Theron
53. Emily Deschanel
54. Laura Sanchez
55. Leighton Meester ?
56. Penelope Cruz
57. Mary-Louise Parker
58. Lucy Liu
59. Stephanie March ?
60. Jessica Leccia
61. Esther Anderson
62. Elizabeth Mitchell
63. Patricia Vico ?
64. Sophia Bush
65. Evangeline Lilly
66. Cate Blanchett
67. Alex Hedison
68. Sandra Oh
69. Alyson Hannigan
70. Katee Sackhoff ?
71. Padma Lakshmi
72. Amber Benson
73. Lauren Graham
74. Sheetal Sheth ?
75. Jessica Alba
76. Lauren Lee Smith
77. Summer Glau
78. Scarlett Johansson
79. Camila Grey ?
80. Jorja Fox
81. Kristen Bell
82. Freida Pinto
83. Anne Hathaway
84. Rachel Weisz
85. Salma Hayek
86. Idina Menzel ?
87. Meryl Streep (love her as an actress but no)
88. Yvonne Strahovski
89. Gillian Anderson
90. Nikki Reed
91. Emma Watson (good thing I wasn't interested in Harry Potter-movies until relatively recently?)
92. Kelly Clarkson
93. Alicia Keys
94. Dichen Lachman
95. Christina Cox
96. Ruby Rose
97. Michelle Obama
98. Halle Berry
99. Shelley Conn
100. Amanda Palmer

Your first love walks up to your door, what do you do? Propably explode from all the feelings.

Do you admit when you're wrong? I'm getting better in it.

Tell me a secret: No.

What do you wash first in the shower? My hair

Who took your myspace picture? I'm not in myspace

Are you currently frustrated with anything? Yes, our apartment situation.

What's the worst thing about girls? They're either straight or unavailable. Then again, so am I :(

What's your mood? Tired, confused, not so good.

What if you had a baby with the last person you kissed? I wouldn't because I would have had and abortion.

Are you trying to quit a bad habit? Few addictions.

What color is your hair? Dirty blond

What's on your feet? White socks with black skulls on them.

What's your middle name? I don't have one.

Are you scared to fall in love? Not anymore.

How many kids do you want? If adopted, two or three, otherwise none.

What did you do last night? Slept

Do you have any condoms in your room? Nope.

What are you excited for? Waiting for my birthday as it will be spent at the stable with V possibly riding a horse xD

Who is the first friend you would call if you needed help? I don't know. It depends who is able to help and not going through a crisis of their own.

Do you find the opposite sex confusing? Rather I find most of the people confusing regardless of gender.

How is life for you right now? Shitty.

Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed? V.

Will you be in a relationship in the next month? Hope so.

How late did you stay up last night? Up to 4am

What is the last thing you said out loud? Said goodnight to V

What is on your bed right now? V.

Will this weekend be a good one? I hope so though I doupt it.

Do you have any pets? Two rabbits, Albert and Ottilia

Are you good at hiding your feelings? Quite the contrary and I find it really annoying.

Have you had more than 25 sex partners? Nope.

Have your friends ever randomly stopped by your house? From time to time, it can be fun.

Who's the last person you had a deep conversation with? My riding instructor

When is the last time you cried? Saturday, in my riding instructor's arms.

Has a boy/girl put their arm around you in the past 5 days? Several ;P

Has anybody ever given you butterflies? Oh yes.

Do you have nice eyes? I like them

Do you have any plans for tomorrow? Apart from cleaning the rabbit cage, no.

Does it take a lot to make you cry? Not lately.

Would you ever get a tattoo? Already have one and several more are waiting for an appointment and money.

Are you close with your mother? Yes, very much so.

Have you ever broken someone's heart? Yes, few unfortunately.

Is there someone who meant a lot to you at one point & now the feelings are gone? Possibly.

What do you currently hear right now? Queen and my cellphone's battery dying.

What time did you wake up today? 8am (didn't get much sleep last night)

Last time you were on the phone? This afternoon.

With who? My mom called to ask how I was feeling.

What do the majority of the people in your life call you? Everyday stuff.

When was the last time you saw number 2 on your top friends? What?

Can you crack your knuckles? Yes, though not so well as V :/

What was the last thing you ate before you went to bed last night? Ice cream?

What's something that can always make you feel better? Animals.

What were you doing this morning at 7am? Being half sleeping, half awake.

What were you doing at 1 AM this morning? Talking with V about what was wrong with me.

Can you cook mac n cheese? Don't see how it would be that hard.

What do you want to be done with? This depression.

Do you need to say anything to anyone? Lot, to many people.

Why can't you and your ex be together? Because I'm with someone

Ever felt like you're not good enough? All the time.

What was the last thing you drank? Coke

If your ex wanted you back how many times would that be? More than enough.

Do you think two people could last forever? Yes, I believe it's possible but very, very rare thing to happen.

Anyone jealous of you or anything you have? Hard to imagine anyone would.

Has anybody ever told you that you have pretty eyes? I don't remember.

Were you smiling in the last picture taken of you? No idea.

Think back to July 2008, were you single? Nope.

Have you ever done something you promised yourself you wouldn't? All the fucking time.

Are you okay with your boyfriend/girlfriend being friends with an ex? Yes, seeing as I'm friends with some of my exes.

Has anyone called you baby/babe today? No.

Think back to April did you have a serious relationship? If so how long? Lol, yes and it's still continuing.

How many TRUE friends do you have that you can tell anything to? Few. More than I deserve.

Who's thinking about you right now? Noone.

Are you friends with someone who lies about the stupidest stuff? Propably.

How do you know the last male you texted? He's my husband.

Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? Hell yes. I'm a curious being.

Does your phone ring in the middle of the night often? Not too often.

Would you rather lie to make someone smile or tell the truth, even if it hurt them? Really depends on the situation.

Did your ex gf/bf do any types of drugs while you were dating? Depends on which exes we are talking about.

Next time you will kiss someone on the lips? Tomorrow?

Are you dating the last person you texted? No. She's a friend.

How has 2009 been for you so far? Like hell.

What's something you really want right now, be honest? Home.

Do you have secrets that no one knows? Yes.

This is just un-fucking-beliavable. We didn't even get to unpack when we found out that we need to find another apartment. We didn't even get a chance to open the bottle of sparkling wine the landlady gave us! She contacted V yesterday and said that she needs the apartment for herself and guess where that leaves us...

I'm ready to throw up, I'm so sick of this all!

Waah! What am I going to do without internet!?

I'm such a loser -.- But as I need it to be able to pay the bills besides waisting time I like to think I have at least a little bit of reasons to not embrace the lack of internet for the next few weeks.

Still not even halfway through of packing - being so dead I bump into everything, drop things and am not even able to pick them up isn't helping. This is all too much, way too much and I can't take it. I'm so tired all I can do is sit and cry except that I'm too tired of even crying. I can't do it alone and V isn't here at all - he's so full with school work that he's coming home at 2 am after leaving for work early in the morning so I can't ask him to help nor tell him how bad it is for me because it would only make him feel even worse than he's feeling now for not being able to help. The moving should start tomorrom and I haven't done a thing! I stare at the boxes and stuff without being able to lift my hand. I'm not making it.

It was weird being at the stable where there were no signs of Vette left, except for a place for her paddock halter, the only place where her name was left. I missed my last chance riding her when after a long day of work I was too tired for my riding lesson and now I feel bad for it.

But there's a new pony there, a love child of a Shetland pony and a Finnhorse - he looks so funny! XD Little pony with a head of a Finnhorse, way too big compared to the rest of him. His name is Vikatikki (false step or something like that in English).

Now I'm back home and got three days to pack everything since on Thursday I'll go back to the stable. Lots to do and I'm so tired -.-;;

One of the horses just died. One day everything is just fine and then something like this happens and it only takes a moment for everything to go wrong.

It was Vette, one of my favourites.

Did you know that in the late 40's in Finland there was used the same amount of heroin per year as it took for 25 years for other countries to use as much according to UN statistics.

Finland bought astounding amounts of heroin tablets etc. opioid stuff, first from Germany when after WWI their pharmaceutical corporations were in trouble and needed money and later from other countries when the hard drugs started to become illegal in them and used it all for pretty much everything from coughing to war traumas.

Some time after midnight I decided to go for a little walk before going to bed. Well, I came back around 4 am. I got lost in my thoughts and at one point got a feeling of freedom and did a half-concious decision of not caring at all where I was going so I ended up walking about 15km. When I realized how far I had actually come and turned to home I got a really smart idea of not following the main paths (I had gone beyond streets, to a highway) and got into a little adventure spiced up by getting lost.

Well, I did met lot of rabbits, a pair of mallards and crossed a stream by swinging myself from tree branch in search of a road (good thing I was wearing sturdy army boots because they were needed at times). When I got back to the part of the town where I live the birds had already started singing. It was an amazing feeling.

The new rent contract is finally signed and we'll be able to move around May Day. Now there's the deposit to pay and V will have a meeting with the bank about it this week. Hope everything goes smooth there. Tomorrow I'll start going through the paperwork that moving creates.

Also, our new landlady seems nice besides being stunningly hot (I'm a sucker for older woman -hotness).

I've already packed one box! ^^

Rum&Coke in the evening at home. Yum. I'm going to at least try to relax today and simply not care about stuff that needs to be done. I've got to have some me-time, right?

Hearing Leonard Cohen singing "First We Take Manhattan" from movie theater soundsystem = instant orgasm

In other words, went to see Watchmen and stayed til the credits ^__^